The day after Christmas and I’m going through my own version of “therapy”. By therapy I mean playing this extremely time consuming and addictive videogame to numb me and take my mind off of the last week’s events. Now this game and I have a serious history and at one point I was playing it so much I began to neglect my responsibilities as a writer. So much in fact, I sold my PS4 so I would no longer play it. Did that work? Yes, actually it did…until I purchased said game for my daughter for Christmas and now have been playing it on her system for the lack of my own.
But why the relapse? Well Friday December 20th 2019 I did something I almost never do. I attended a funeral. Now let me backtrack for those of you that don’t know me very well. I don’t do death. I don’t do wakes and I don’t do funerals. This has caused plenty of controversy for years between both sides of my family and myself. It is in no way meant to be a sign of disrespect. And in the past, before I knew I was an empath I just didn’t understand why it would affect me more than some. I knew I could never take that last look at my loved ones and have that “image” of them seared and etched into my memory. I knew it would trump all others and my brain would access if first, tarnishing the ones I loved most about those that I’d lost.
Now with that bit of background in hand, December 20th 2019 I attended the funeral of my Aunt from my mother’s side. But this wonderful woman wasn’t just my Aunt. She was like a second mother to me. She was a guide when things got heavy and dark. She was a supporter and coach of everything I did no matter how much bigger our family tree grew over the years. My first cup of coffee, my learning to crochet, my love of film. So many things she taught me. She never got angry, she always remained patient, and she never ever judged. No matter how distant I’d become, her reach was always greater than that distance. She was always with me. June 23rd 2018, after weeks of inviting family and friends to attend my book signing only two people showed from my mother’s side of the family—she was one. Now I must move on as I want to honor her in a more thorough and elaborate way (and I will in the near future). But one last detail about my aunt. She was well known for her amazing Pound Cake. As a matter a fact it was so well known that its legend grew way past our family and into others. But what does this have to do with my post title? Let me take you back to yesterday December 27, 2019.
Christmas was over but I was still grieving. I did my best to put on a happy face, give my family attention and post on social media without having a melt down. But other than those posts I hadn’t touched a keyboard. As a matter of fact, from the time I’d first learned of her passing it all just stopped. I just couldn’t focus. I didn’t want to. I didn’t care to. I ate, slept and tried to function. And now I’m on this damned video game as yet another way to past time so I cannot think about her. So were back full circle to where I first started this post and I’m playing this game on my kid's console and then….my doorbell rang.
My daughter goes to answer and says “It’s a lady daddy, but I dont know her.” Well luckily for this mystery guest I was between rounds in the game. So, I had a good two minutes to answer and get back to “therapy”. When I opened the door, I was shocked to see my next-door neighbor. She smiled generously wishing me a happy holiday in which I reciprocated telling her to please come inside. Her hands were full, in one, a copy of my book Borrowed Time in the other a paper plate in which she held like a serving platter with something wrapped in foil.
“I wanted to ask a request of you before my sister takes the book away from me,” she began, “I wanted you to sign it for me.”
“Oh, most certainly.” I replied.
I could not escape the look she had on her face. It seemed genuinely important to her. But it’s what she said next that let me know this wasn’t just some random coincidence, it was the Universe and my Aunt with a message.
“I absolutely enjoyed your book and have told so many about it. I can’t wait for the next one. And this is for you, it’s a Pound Cake! I bake during the holidays for everyone and I thought you might like it.”
For a short moment (which seemed an eternity) I was speechless. I just stared at her a moment before I responded… “My aunt, I just lost her recently. She was so well known for her Pound Cake.”
“Oh no I’m so, sorry I didn’t know.”
I assured her it was fine and placed the cake in the kitchen. I took the book and as I began to write in it for her, everything was overcome with a deafening silence. I could hear only the pen as it graced the parchment forever staining it with the words I wrote. I felt a sense of energy and almost peacefulness as I completed the signing with my very signature. By this time my daughter had taken my place in the game as I handed back the book and saw my neighbor to the door. Message received— I whispered to myself.
Now for some this may be just some coincidence, but for me it was a message and a most needed nudge from my Aunt and the Universe. This post is my first of getting “back into the game”. I’m motivated, determined and thankful. It would seem my Aunt’s reach knows no boundaries as even now she is able to be there for me.
Happy New Year
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